The Legend of Rich Goodburger, Pt. V

Alex was exhausted as the restaurant’s business hours came to an end. After cleaning up the tables and floors inside, he grabbed his broom and went to sweep off the sidewalk outside the main entrance. As he expected, the burger-being was anxiously waiting for his return.

“Hello, again,” Alex said.

The burger-being bobbed up and down, resuming its habit of pointing at the marquee sign’s “Now Hiring” display.

“I know, I know,” Alex sighed.

The burger-being pulled out a crumpled piece of newspaper and a marker from within one of its oversized gloves and quickly scribbled something on the paper. Alex was increasingly perplexed at this creature…he was now learning that it could write too. After finishing its note, it stuffed the marker back in its glove and handed the piece of paper to Alex. On it read:

Alex, would like please work. $4.99.

Alex was both frustrated and sad as he read the note. He felt bad that he couldn’t do more for the thing, seeing as it seemed so intent on finding a job. “We’ve been over this before,” Alex responded. “I’m sorry, but I can’t do anything for you. Can’t you find a job somewhere else?”

The burger-being shook its hands vigorously from side to side. Just at that moment, Alex’s uncle bolted out of the restaurant.

“Alex!” he exclaimed. “So who’s your friend in the outfit? I didn’t know the guy was actually gonna be helping us when I saw you chatting with him this morning!”

“Sorry, Uncle Bud, I didn’t know either. That is, I…don’t…really know him.”

“What do you mean, you don’t know?” Bud replied. “This fella’s done us a lot of good business today!”

“I know,” Alex responded, “but I just met him this morning. He wants a job, Uncle Bud.”

“A job? I told you we didn’t have the budget to bring on more staff a few weeks ago.”

“I know, but he saw that the sign still says ‘Now Hiring.’ He wants to work for $4.99.”

Alex’s uncle was deep in thought as Alex explained how he had come to meet the burger-being, who was in the meantime rocking back and forth on his shoes anxiously listening in on the conversation.

“I’ll tell you what,” Bud concluded, “my budget’s strapped and I’m not keen on hiring any new workers, but you’ve sure pulled in your share of customers today and you’re not asking for much.” The burger-being started shuffling his hands as Bud continued. “I’ll make you a deal. You work for me one week. I’ll give you five bucks a day. We’ll see how this works.”

The burger-being started bobbing up and down frantically.

“Now, don’t get your hopes up,” Bud exclaimed. “This is a ‘trial and error’ kinda thing. Nothing official, no paperwork or anything like that. Just a deal between us. You understand?”

The burger-being quickly gave two thumbs up and grabbed Bud’s hand, vigorously shaking it up and down.

“Okay, okay,” Bud chuckled. “Settle down, it’s no big deal. Since you’re gonna be working for me, I should at least know what to call you. You got a name, fella?”

The burger-being bobbed up and down and pulled out its marker with another crumpled piece of paper. After quickly scribbling on it, he turned it around to face Bud and Alex. The paper read:

“RICH.”

“Rich, huh?” Bud said. “That’s it? You got a last name?”

The burger-being scratched its top bun, bobbed on its legs, and pointed at the word “Goodburger” on the marquee sign.

“Goodburger?” Alex asked. “Your name’s Rich Goodburger?”

The burger-being gave two thumbs up and excitedly bobbed up and down again.

“Okay, Rich Goodburger, that’s a funny name for a fellow, but you just got yourself work for a week,” Bud replied. The burger-being kept bobbing up and down. “Now you better keep those customers coming in like today! I’ll expect you at work tomorrow morning, bright and early.” The burger-being gave two thumbs up and Bud turned around to head back inside the restaurant. “And Alex, change that marquee sign and take down the ‘Now Hiring’ part. One guy in a burger outfit is enough for me!” he shouted as he opened the door.

“Yes, sir,” Alex replied. He looked back up at the burger-being. “Well, Rich,” he said, “I guess I’ll be seeing you tomorrow.”

As Alex finished sweeping the front entrance, he noticed Rich scribble another note on a piece of paper. Right before turning away, he slipped the note in Alex’s hand. It read:

“Thanks you Alex.”

When Alex looked back up, the burger-being was gone.

to be continued...

The Legend of Rich Goodburger, Pt. IV

As the day began, Alex quickly gathered that the burger-being was not leaving from his position outside the restaurant and would not fade from memory as he had hoped. This insight first came before noon when a group of ladies visited the diner during their lunch break from work, much to Alex’s surprise as the women had never been seen in the restaurant before.

“That new hamburger character y’all have outside is so cute!” one woman exclaimed.

“We normally walk right past this place on our way to lunch, but we just had to stop and take a look after seeing that adorable burger costume,” another followed.

“My children would absolutely love him…does the hamburger do birthday parties?” a third woman asked.

Alex was dumbstruck, without a clue of how to reply. “Umm…” was the best he could manage.

“Say, we’d better order if we’re going to get back to the office on time. Do y’all have salads?” one of the women asked.

Alex shook his head. “No…I’m sorry. We’ve got burgers mostly.”

“Oh dear, well perhaps we’d better head back to our usual lunch spot,” the first lady remarked. “Burgers are a bit too heavy for workday lunch. Although we’ll definitely have to bring our families back sometime so our kids can meet the hamburger!”

“The kids would just love him,” another agreed. “And they’re always an easy sell for burgers and fries.”

Alex watched as they quickly gathered together and headed out the front door. “Bye, Mister Burger,” he heard the women shout to the burger-being. “Have a nice day; see you again soon!”

As the day progressed, Alex was surprised to see a continued parade of new faces walk into the restaurant, each commenting on how delightful the character in the burger outfit outside was. While a few were disappointed to find a lack of variety on the menu, and others walked away slightly less than impressed with their meals, the majority of patrons seemed overwhelmingly pleased with their dining experience, mainly due to the pleasant mood that the burger-being had put them in. With the significant increase in customer traffic, Alex’s uncle began to notice the busier workload too.

“Alex, this is fantastic!” his uncle exclaimed as he rushed back and forth from helping in the kitchen to taking orders from customers. “I haven’t seen it this busy since that passenger bus got stranded across the street three summers ago. You’re gonna have to pick up the pace!”

The Legend of Rich Goodburger, Pt. III

The burger being bobbed on its legs in response to Alex’s recognition. With its oversized, white-gloved hand and an outstretched arm, it made a large, dramatic gesture pointing at the restaurant’s marquee sign. Alex stared blankly at the giant burger and waited to see if the creature would speak in addition to its gestured answer. After a few seconds of silence, the burger stepped towards the marquee sign and tapped the sign’s face several times.

“Yes, this is Goodburger Diner,” Alex responded, not quite certain what the creature wanted.

The burger shook its hands from side to side, which Alex immediately understood as meaning that this was not the answer the burger had wanted. He felt silly even trying to have a conversation with this thing and hoped this was just a hallucination that would fade away. Alex tried again. “Okay, is there something I can do for you?”

The burger bobbed up and down again on its legs, dramatically stretched out its long arm, and deliberately tapped the “Now Hiring” portion of the sign with its pointed glove.

“Now hiring?” Alex asked. “You want to know about our sign for hiring?”

The burger gave two thumbs up and bobbed excitedly up and down. Alex understood that this was clearly the burger’s way of responding affirmatively.

“You want a job?” Alex asked, stunned that this was actually happening. The burger again gave two thumbs up and bobbed. “Well,” Alex started, stunned that the burger-being was actually asking about employment, “I don’t think we’re actually…hiring…uh, burgers right now.”

The burger emphatically placed its gloved hands on its bottom bun at its sides and tapped a foot in impatience. Repeating its dramatic gestures, it deliberately pointed at each word on the marquee sign as its finger traced over “Now,” “Hiring,” “Burger,” and “$4.99.”

Alex started to understand what this creature was trying to say. “I see, but I’m sorry…I don’t think my uncle is interested in hiring…anyone…right now.” The burger again put its hands on its bottom bun, making Alex feel as if he needed to provide a better explanation. “Well, you see, a couple weeks ago we had a couple staff members quit, so we had to hire some new workers. But I don’t think my uncle wants to hire anyone else right now…he already replaced those workers that quit, and we just forgot that the sign still said ‘Now Hiring’ and forgot to take it down. I’m sorry.”

The burger stood there with its hands still on its lower bun and tapping its foot. After several silent seconds, it again pointed to each word on the marquee sign in a continuous pattern, repeatedly pointing at “Now,” “Hiring,” “Burger.”

Alex could see he wasn’t succeeding at making his point to the burger-being. He thought maybe if he changed the subject he’d get somewhere. At that moment his uncle provided a break in the conversation by abruptly rushing out of the restaurant’s front door. “Alex,” his uncle started, “why aren’t you done sweeping outside yet, we’re getting ready to open and you haven’t begun setting the tables inside.”

“Sorry, Uncle Bud,” Alex replied nervously. He wasn’t quite sure how to explain the situation. “I was just…well, I was almost…”

Alex’s stammering was interrupted by his uncle. “Who’s your friend, and why’s he in the burger outfit?” Alex noticed Bud’s eyes get wide when he saw the burger being standing next to the sign. He was uncertain how to even respond to his questions; he didn’t have an explanation at this point himself.

“Um, he’s…this is…”

“Forget it, Alex, we don’t have time for you to chit chat with friends. Finish your sweeping and get to work inside,” Uncle Bud replied, and with that he turned once more to look at the burger being. “Nice outfit, kid,” he remarked before quickly rushing back into the restaurant.

Alex turned to look again at the burger. “Look, I’ve got to go inside and get back to work.”

The burger scratched its top bun with its gloved hand and tapped its foot again. After shrugging its shoulders, it tapped the marquee sign one more time.

Alex sighed. “I’m sorry, I wish I could help, but you heard my uncle. I’ve got to go inside. Sorry.”Alex took his broom and turned to open the front door. Just before he entered the restaurant, he glanced back to notice the burger being one more time. The burger remained next to the marquee sign, a sad picture of unrestricted persistence that Alex realized he pitied inside, and he truly wished he could help him in some way. But for now, he had work to do, and so he let the door close behind him.

...to be continued

The Legend of Rich Goodburger, Pt. II

[Author's note: After continuing work on this story, I've decided to change the perspective from first-person to third-person, and I have therefore slightly edited the first part of the story. We'll pick up where we left off...]

Alex and his uncle survived the rest of the hectic day, with only a few major mistakes and lost customers to speak of. Over the next week things settled down somewhat at Goodburger Diner as Bud was able to find a new cook, Herb, to fill the vacancy left by Tammy. In recognition of Alex’s capable performance in the midst of crisis, his uncle decided to promote him to waitstaff duties rather than hire a replacement for Fran, although he was still expected to take out trash and clean the facility as he had done before. With the change in staff and the increased responsibilities, both Bud and Alex were too busy to realize after the next week that “Now Hiring” was still displayed in the diner’s marquee sign, even though Bud had no intention of spending any additional funds on expanding his staff. This simple fact would not come to their attention until the middle of the following week.

It was a warm Wednesday morning when Alex found himself sweeping the entrance outside the Goodburger Diner. The restaurant would open in just one more hour at 11 a.m., and Alex wasn’t looking forward to another day of juggling his busboy and waiter responsibilities, even if the diner could only count on a few customers for business. In fact, he was so busy sorting through his own complaints and bad attitudes in his head that he didn’t hear the sound of approaching footsteps or notice the large figure drawing near to his side. When an outsized, white-gloved hand furtively tapped him on his shoulder, his thought pattern broke and he turned to recognize the presence that he assumed was his uncle coming to provide additional instructions for the day.

“Yes, sir…?” Alex responded routinely. He set his broom on the concrete sidewalk and turned casually to face the individual. In a split second, his mind registered that this was not Uncle Bud, much less anyone – or anything – that he recognized, and his eyes widened.

“Whoa!” Alex yelped instinctually, jumping back in a startled fit. It was as if he was swallowing his own exclamation out of the jolt of fear that sent shockwaves from the top of his head to his toes. He wasn’t sure if he should run inside and get help or if he should pinch his cheek to wake himself from some strange dream.

What stood in front of Alex seemed to be beyond imagination. It looked like a large hamburger with arms coming out of its top bun and two legs sprouting out beneath its heel. Its top bun, or crown, was golden brown with large seeds sprinkled evenly on the surface, and the scent of freshly-baked bread and warm butter surrounded its entire being. The sunlight reflected off the top of its perfectly-rounded bun to give it a bright shine, like a newly wrapped package. Protruding from the left and right sides of the crown extended two long, skinny arms that were as black as crickets’ legs, and on the ends of each arm were massive, white gloves that puffed out as if they were filled with helium. The gloves appeared extremely soft and flexible as the being notably wiggled its fingers in nervousness, although they weren’t completely smooth but seemed to be more similar to the texture of a marshmallow. Beneath its crown appeared to be tufts of oversized lettuce leaves poking out and away in random directions, like a frazzled head of unruly hair, and slices of gigantic, red tomatoes lay evenly below the greenery. Alex could observe that the being had no eyes, ears, nose, or mouth, but at its center was a rounded disc of hardened, brown substance. He assumed at first that the burger’s patty would be composed of ground beef, but upon closer look he detected that the patty had no grease whatsoever, nor did it carry the odor of cooked meat. He was absolutely dumbstruck as to what the core of the burger-being was made of, but it appeared pocked and bumpy, like a giant sponge painted dark brown. Beneath the patty Alex could see globs of red, cream, and yellow colors in assorted fashion, accompanied by the ridged ends of green pickle slices. The soft, brown heel supported the patty and its condiments and pickles beneath, and its crusted surface appeared to be firm and quite rougher than the crown. Extending like black plastic toothpicks from the bottom of the heel to the ground were the being’s two legs, and each leg ended with comically large, clunky shoes that were made of shiny, black leather with no laces or buckles to notice. Standing at its full height, it was nearly as tall as Alex. It seemed to him a marvel that the being should stand firm since its great weight was supported by such small, skinny legs, but it appeared to be quite balanced and nimble. As Alex surveyed what he could only guess was either an elaborately disguised human or a hamburger magically brought to life, the burger rocked back and forth on its feet, patiently waiting for Alex’s response.

After silently staring at the unknown hamburger-person and rubbing his eyes, he realized he was indeed awake, although he did not believe he was in immediate danger. It was time to determine who – or what – this being was and why it wanted to talk to him.

“My name is Alex…can I help you?”

to be continued...

Pinch of Poetry

I enjoy poetry, and while I don't consider myself to be a poet by any means, I believe that there are several members of my family who are skilled at creating poetry, including my brother, my cousin, and my father. After returning to school this week, I am reminded of one of my favorite poems written by my brother, who wrote the following in high school after receiving inspiration from a cafeteria tray. It's an imagery poem (which we learned about in high school too).

Lunch on Thursday

Greens on the left,
Wheat, processed;
Pile of - I don't know -
But it is reddish-orange.

By Michael A. Shay

The Legend of Rich Goodburger, Pt. I

I fear that many of you will likely dismiss this story as untrue or absurd. Perhaps you'll even judge me to be a far-fetched dreamer, but I feel that I must tell this story despite how unbelievable it may be.

There used to be a small diner towards the edge of town many years ago, next to the old pharmacy and town cemetery that you pass when you drive out to the country. The shell of the diner’s building no longer exists, although its surroundings are so drab that you’d have to struggle just to even notice the lot today. Over time, its land has been transformed into an island of crumbled chunks of floating concrete and patches of weeds, surrounded by a sea of thick, black asphalt that serves as parking lots for new shopping plazas and office buildings. If you ask most people whatever became of the restaurant, they'll probably tell you some story about it going out of business due to stiff competition or hard economic times. Others may even tell you a concocted story about the diner's owner skipping town after one-too-many bad reviews. But a few discerning people will tell you truthfully that the restaurant no longer exists because of a strange thing that happened one summer many years ago, back when the Goodburger Diner became the source of a town legend.

It took place shortly after the diner’s owner – known to friends as Bud - hired his nephew, Alex, to come work for the summer and help his short-handed employees with common cleaning duties. Alex was a naïve teenager who didn’t know much about restaurants or cleaning and had spent most of his previous summers traveling to a regular rotation of summer camps and playing with friends at the city pool. Although he wasn’t thrilled about having to bus tables, empty trash, clean restrooms, mop floors, or sweep the entryway each day, he tempered his lack of enthusiasm with an understanding that since business was typically slow, the work effort required would be minimal at best. More importantly, he was excited at the prospect of earning some spending money during the summer.

Alex’s uncle was a happy but continuously preoccupied man who managed his restaurant by busily running back and forth between the kitchen and the dining area. He preferred to keep a simple menu so that he could hire inexperienced cooks. By doing so, he calculated that he could save money on their wages and instead teach them how to cook the few basic items that he offered on the menu: hamburgers, chicken fingers, grilled cheese sandwiches, French fries, onion rings, and tuna melts.

It was no secret that Bud was struggling to keep his little diner open. One problem was the food itself. Most people are familiar with the adage, “You get what you pay for,” and unfortunately the food at Goodburger Diner suffered the consequences of Bud’s refusal to pay decent wages for experienced cooks. The restaurant’s mediocre food was continuously disparaged by the local newspaper’s food critic who found an unmatched pleasure in repeatedly visiting the restaurant so that he could generate another scathing review for the next paper. The critic even gained a small following of fans who were amused to learn how the restaurant could cook French fries that were “too fried,” or grilled cheese sandwiches that were “too grilled,” or hamburgers that were “too hammy.” Bud’s stingy spending habits bled into his promotional practices as well. He refused to pay much attention to thinking of ways to attract new business. Rather than advertise on the local radio or print coupons in the newspaper, he insisted on simply using the small changeable-letter marquee sign outside the restaurant’s front door to announce its “Daily Special.” Since Bud also refused to create new Daily Specials, the sign outside always read:

"Welcome to Goodburger Diner
Burger
$4.99"

The first week or so after Bud hired his nephew Alex to work at the diner, things went as slowly as expected. Alex quickly caught on to his uncle’s preferences for managing a restaurant by minimizing expenses, specifically by hiring few staff to begin with and making sure the few staff were agreeable to low wages. Although Alex’s curious nature wondered what would happen to the diner’s success if his uncle focused on quality rather than costs, he mainly tried to get by each day by quietly tending to his work, asking few questions, and doing exactly what his uncle ordered.

That all changed one day when Alex reported to work to find his uncle in a panic, running back and forth from the kitchen to the dining area drenched in sweat as he took customers’ orders, cooked them as fast as possible in the kitchen, and ran them back out to the tables at a frantic pace, even with a small crowd. Although Bud usually maintained at least one cook and one waitstaff in addition to himself and the busboy, it was apparent to Alex that his uncle was the only one working that day.

“Where’ve ya been!” Bud gasped when he saw Alex come in through the door, “I’ve needed ya hours ago!”
“What’s going on?” Alex asked.
“The cook quit this morning!”
“Tammy quit?” Alex replied in disbelief.
“You heard me…she’s gone. She left to work at the bakery down the block.”
“Well what about the other cooks, George or Scooter?”
“I called them already, but George said he can’t take off from his other job until the afternoon, and Scooter’s sick.”
“Well, why are you waiting tables then? Where’s Fran?” Alex asked.
“Fran went with Tammy to the bakery - said they’ll be earning twice what I pay here,” Bud barked with an edge of resentment. Alex struggled not to let a chuckle escape but was saved when his uncle piped up again on his way from the kitchen to a customer with his hands full of hot dishes. “It’s just you and me today. You’re gonna have to learn how to wait tables on the fly, but first I want you to change the sign out front to ‘Now Hiring.’ You can find the keys and letters in the top drawer of my office desk.”

Alex hurried to his uncle’s office, a room that was normally off-limits to any employees whatsoever, and quickly found what he needed to change the marquee sign letters. In the intensity of the moment, he realized when he unlocked the sign outside that he couldn’t remember if his uncle wanted the Daily Special erased so that the entire sign would only read “Now Hiring.” Rather than bother his uncle with a simple question, he decided the sign still had enough space to include both announcements. It now read:

"Welcome to Goodburger Diner
Now Hiring
Burger
$4.99"

At the time there was no reason for Alex to realize it, but this slight change in a sign’s letters would soon bring big changes to his uncle’s small business.

...to be continued